Post by Vulcan on Mar 4, 2015 23:09:52 GMT
"When the pain of same is more than the pain of change, then you will."
☽ Basic Information ☾
Full Name: Vulcan Zarjero
First Name: Vulcan
Nickname: [ OOC-wise ] Vul-chan, Vul-san, Vul Senpai, Vuzzy, Vulzzy, Vul, Buffalo Wings, VuVu-Sama, Vulcy ... Vulgina.
--> [ IC-wise ] Vully; Nakita and Nilly. Red, strictly to Six.
Name Pronunciation: Vol-kin
Nickname Pronunciation: Not even gonna give the effort to OOC. IC; Vol-lee, and the color red.
Previous Names: NA
Gender: Male
Age: Eight years.
Species: Wollf
Scent: Spice and smoke.
Likes:
Assisting those in need. Chances to improve value/self worth.
Dislikes:
Wolves whom feel the need to be openly superior to others. Any sign of unnecessary cruelty toward himself or others. Watching others cower/suffer. Being unable to assist someone in their time of need.
☽ Pack Information ☾
Pack: Pack of the Intrepidus
Rank: Chief Warrior ( Self-proclaimed Guard. )
Former Mentor/Teacher: Self
Apprentice: Caza
Strives for the rank of: Alpha II ( Though he still very much seeks to be a 'Jack of all trades' )
Mentors to achieve ^ Rank: Caza <3
☽ Blood ☾
Family;
Mother: Completely unknown.
In-Law; ^
Father: Vicktor Zarjero- Whereabouts unknown
In-Law; Walker
Sister(s): All unknown
In-Law; Ayani
Brother(s): All unknown
Cousin(s): Springsteen and Savanna, related via Vulcan's mother. Phoenix, related via Vulcan's father.
In-Law; Athena
Pup(s): Biological; Corinth, Corinthia, and Sarai.
Adopted; Fiver <3
Species: Wolf
Breed: Unknown.
Blood: Unknown, always told he was of tainted blood.
Birthplace: A land long forgotten
Birth time: Early Spring
☽Love Information☾
Crush: Caza
Past Crushes: Viccari, Niluva, Lydia, and Vayal.
Mate: Caza ( 1/7/16 <3 )
Past Mates: None
☽Personality☾
Because he used to think he was of this world to suffer in place of others and to serve them to the best of his ability, lingering traits from this lifestyle are strong and undoubtedly him. He is a truly kind soul, genuine in every action and word, there isn't an evil bone in his body as the saying goes. Always prioritizing others before himself, he unknowingly follows the path left by the belief of Virtuous Ethics. Those who suffer throughout their life understand what many struggle to even acknowledge, he has wisdom where many lack and thinks in odd ways. Truly merciful in nature, the heavily scarred skin encases and protects such a delicate soul, sensitive to those around him, always finding ways to make others feel joy. And because he will forever struggle with self-esteem, he gets a great rush and joy, even a sense of pride, by coming to the aid of others. Reserved and respectful, he is an honorable, humble soul, always focusing on the best for everyone and never falling victim to selfish needs. He can be viewed as that big brother that everyone loves and aches to be around, uplifting spiritually and encouraging; a gentle caress and a shoulder to cry on when life beats you down, or your strong, un-moving fortress to protect you. His praise can move mountains and his smile delves straight into the soul to lift your morale. Eventually his words and actions will be contagious, almost as if demanding you get up and continue fighting that good fight with him at your side. He was destined for greatness and after nearly a year of being 'watered' to blossom within this pack, finally he is reaping the benefits of his esteemed blood. Inspirational, a role model to all, he is the best of both worlds packed into a soul that is as independent as it is dependent, keeping him in his place, molding a truly benevolent individual that can only bring the best out of others.
He is not perfect but his life left behind the path of perfection. His low self-esteem means he can push himself beyond the limits of most males, risking life and limb only to save another can at times even make Death question coming for his soul. Usually this Angel of the end turns and runs the other way, dreading the day it must face Vulcan. His tolerance of pain means it is rare you will not see Vulcan at his truest him. The traumas of his past leave him a confused and contradiction of an individual, a lasting legacy for being treated so poorly just to inevitably be so loved in his new forever home. Vulcan is as serious as when he first joined, however he is also laid-back and goofy. Play was often used to help his growth, pulling that locked away puppy-stage from its cage so he may go through the process now. Just as the abuse lingers, this love for play will as well. It'll be baffling to watch such a stern, stoic male suddenly chase pack members around, barking and laughing, within the blink of an eye. His being serious also means he will not understand jokes, and should he ever come to grasp the concept, he will fail to see the humor. Then again, because he also is so silly, he may take a liking to puns.
There is still much to his growth, for you never truly stop learning. What he does not yet understand is not normal to him, and will take time to be so. He does not understand how to make friends, and still struggles with seeing himself as worthy of having such relationships, so he is still uncertain and nervous around strangers. Vulcan also doesn't know he's just as worthy as anyone of age to have a family of his own, he isn't even aware that he's able to feel that way toward females. Conversations are still a means of anxiety concerning strangers, depending if they push him too far or tread carefully.
Vulcan can, at times, feel frustrated from the lack of growth he feels he's ascended to. Though he can relax while in this pack, talk freely, and play with friends, he is not stupid. He is aware he has much to learn and it angers him that he is learning slowly. He can also be impulsive, and though he will not tell a lie being blunt isn't always good. He will also, in a way, hold grudges against those who do something considerably wrong. Yet another contradiction, for his merciful ways demand he give everyone a fair chance.
However his friendly, well-mannered and benevolent ways make him a magnet to others. It's very easy to gravitate to him for he can support so much on his shoulders; even with his own issues, he seems to often know the solution to every problem and carry on as if nothing is wrong.
"A Samurai chooses to serve a master ( Intrepidus ) and does it out of respect and love. Not because they are forced, service to them is not demeaning; service is an expression of their prowess and their pride. They serve because only they are strong enough to serve with such flawless perfection and consummate ability. It is a source of pride to them."
☽History☾
Fresh out the den until seven months:
He had it /hard/. It was considered a great disgrace and dishonor to the Zarjero bloodline to have pups with anyone outside of the pack. Vulcan only was spared because he was the only son from his litter, and Vicktor wanted his blood/namesake to be spread as much as possible. Had Vulcan looked more like his father, he'd been spared such a terrible pup hood. But the blonde highlights that consumed his mane and pendulum tip, they were constant reminders. Vulcan's first attempt at play left him a bloodied pulp from an older cousin. His first attempt at a pack hunt left him isolated and alone for two hours, for the hunting party wanted nothing to do with him, and put no effort in keeping him safely with them. He was used to eating the scraps mere omegas left behind. By the time he could hunt on his own { Which was shy of seven months } the should-have-been proud heir had no self worth.
From seven-nine months of age:
Vulcan's pack was attacked by marauding neighbors. His father moved to protect the younger pups, and Vulcan willingly followed. Since that night, Vulcan worked alone, in solitude, to master reading body movements. He then named himself a guard of his father's pack, and on a few good nights, proved himself worthy. He never won a fight to protect the pups, he more or less distracted the intruders until someone properly trained came in to 'save the day'. And afterwards, only his father would thank Vulcan, if Vicktor was present to begin with. Now he believes if he's openly thanked, he did something wrong, and will be hard on himself.
As A Loner:
Vulcan was nine and a half months old when he was larger than a handful of males twice his age. This is when the elders of the pack voted, and Vulcan was to be kicked out. He awoke to fangs in his flank, and a sea of glares. Instantly he submits, as all omegas were expected to, but unfortunately his father was among the crowd. With a somber bow, Vulcan knew. And as he sadly walked away from the only home he knew, his emotions were locked away, his hope shattered, his heart aching. What would he do now? He spent just under two years joining whatever packs would accept him in the Plains and in maps of their own. But it was just the same as with his birth pack. They'd assign him a rank, and vanish, leaving him behind. After a year of being alone he again tries to find refuge and peace among the ranks of this pack.
Now that Vulcan has lived out the entirety of his prime years within Intrepidus and he won't ever leave, I figure it'd be cool to make a very vague history of his time in Intrepidus. All of this will be IC of course.
Vulcan's first year definitely hit us hard with amazing nights full of fun and so many feels as the pack united to help Vulcan with his issues. Pups as young as three months of age and even elders of the pack would approach him to try and get a word out of him. Vulcan joined as an empty vessel; tasked with protecting everyone though he was torn due to being terrified of everyone. Abuse was the only 'love' he'd known from his birth pack and so he assumed every pack would do the same to him. Niluva, Lydia, and Cazatella were the major forces that got Vulcan to speak. But it was a long and tiresome three months before that happened. During that time, Vulcan learned to trust everyone insofar that he'd willingly hunt with the pack. But he never approached anyone, never smiled, never spoke until that three month period. But he'd still flinch or shrink inward if someone came too close much too soon. And he often trembled, an outlet for his building anxiety.
Two months after that time, there was a 'new face' of Intrepidus. The name spread far and wide and wolves of all shapes and sizes came to join such a strong family-unit of a pack. Blitzen, Anji, and Vayal are some of the newer faces that truly helped shaped Vulcan, as well as two pups by the names of Fiver and Nakita. Blitzen was also fearful of others, Vayal anxious but kind, Lydia incredibly patient, and the pups never seemed to see Vulcan for any of his faults. He thrived with the various showings of kindness and love from these new faces. Also needing to be mentioned was a fragile dame named Viccari, who got Vulcan to understand the true concept of worry and caring. He truly blossomed with her words, he just clicked with her, and grew to be something more thanks to her. Love was something he didn't truly grasp until his cousin Steen had tracked him down. Vulcan never knew his mother nor anyone of her family, but Steen had a run in with her, and so found Vulcan. In turn the troubled Crimson male truly learned love both by action and word of mouth. By this time, for eight months Vulcan called Intrpidus home. And this is why his heart started to expand.
Crushes left and right. Wolves would come and go but they always came back. Vulcan found newfound courage and reasoning to battle all his phobias. Though a few of them were unknown by others because he didn't wish to trouble others with his own battles, a handful were defeated thanks to this pack. He could look a select few in the eye ( his blood and close friends for example ) and though it was a struggle he'd definitely attempt speaking ( but he stuttered and often used the wrong word. He also didn't understand the usage of 'I' for the longest of time. ) Confidence grew and soon enough he was approaching friends and strangers alike, making sure everyone was fed, welcoming the new members, fighting his fear of others. Vulcan never thought he could be happier, but of course, thankfully, he was wrong.
By the time he finally had the courage to make his move, he'd lost track of time. But bless his lucky stars, Vulcan found someone to be his reason for living, and Caza returned those feelings. Again he endures newfound determination, but this time his goal is to be at Caza's side. So he aims to truly overcome what phobias remain, to be able to speak publicly and to have everyone's eyes on him. To lead. To guide. Except for the rank he wanted, he felt complete knowing he had a mate, family, dear friends, and the title of father, for he adopted Fiver as his own. But things quickly went astray. It seemed like within the blink of an eye, Caza was expecting pups and a massive storm was forcing Intrepidus to move. They found decent shelter in a valley and the pups were born. But as time progressed, the new father of four felt in his heart he needed to provide for his family. So he left to hunt, only to come back to one of his greatest fears, the pack was gone.
Vulcan was lost for countless months, almost an entire year. But he fought against negative thoughts and the hopelessness he felt to continue on. And eventually that scent of his cousin, Steen, hit his nose and together they headed to the new camp. Vulcan and Caza were reunited. Things seemed like they'd get better... Until he got lost again. It seemed his sense of direction was going while he aged, he tells himself to never again hunt alone, and struggles to find home.
Which is where he is now. There was chaos within the pack that needed to be settled. There was a feeling of unease and tension for days after the fact. Some members left, there was a new face of Intrepidus, and Steen is gone. There was so much for Vulcan to take in and in all honesty it all nearly broke him... But there's still something feral and proud deep within the troubled male that will never allow him to quit. So here is Vulcan now, staying close to home, working from step one to again gain that confidence and trust with the newer members of the pack. He tries and at times fails to keep the past behind him. But for now, he'f truly focused on just being the best Vulcan he can be for Intrepidus, until he breathes his last.
Vulcan's first year definitely hit us hard with amazing nights full of fun and so many feels as the pack united to help Vulcan with his issues. Pups as young as three months of age and even elders of the pack would approach him to try and get a word out of him. Vulcan joined as an empty vessel; tasked with protecting everyone though he was torn due to being terrified of everyone. Abuse was the only 'love' he'd known from his birth pack and so he assumed every pack would do the same to him. Niluva, Lydia, and Cazatella were the major forces that got Vulcan to speak. But it was a long and tiresome three months before that happened. During that time, Vulcan learned to trust everyone insofar that he'd willingly hunt with the pack. But he never approached anyone, never smiled, never spoke until that three month period. But he'd still flinch or shrink inward if someone came too close much too soon. And he often trembled, an outlet for his building anxiety.
Two months after that time, there was a 'new face' of Intrepidus. The name spread far and wide and wolves of all shapes and sizes came to join such a strong family-unit of a pack. Blitzen, Anji, and Vayal are some of the newer faces that truly helped shaped Vulcan, as well as two pups by the names of Fiver and Nakita. Blitzen was also fearful of others, Vayal anxious but kind, Lydia incredibly patient, and the pups never seemed to see Vulcan for any of his faults. He thrived with the various showings of kindness and love from these new faces. Also needing to be mentioned was a fragile dame named Viccari, who got Vulcan to understand the true concept of worry and caring. He truly blossomed with her words, he just clicked with her, and grew to be something more thanks to her. Love was something he didn't truly grasp until his cousin Steen had tracked him down. Vulcan never knew his mother nor anyone of her family, but Steen had a run in with her, and so found Vulcan. In turn the troubled Crimson male truly learned love both by action and word of mouth. By this time, for eight months Vulcan called Intrpidus home. And this is why his heart started to expand.
Crushes left and right. Wolves would come and go but they always came back. Vulcan found newfound courage and reasoning to battle all his phobias. Though a few of them were unknown by others because he didn't wish to trouble others with his own battles, a handful were defeated thanks to this pack. He could look a select few in the eye ( his blood and close friends for example ) and though it was a struggle he'd definitely attempt speaking ( but he stuttered and often used the wrong word. He also didn't understand the usage of 'I' for the longest of time. ) Confidence grew and soon enough he was approaching friends and strangers alike, making sure everyone was fed, welcoming the new members, fighting his fear of others. Vulcan never thought he could be happier, but of course, thankfully, he was wrong.
By the time he finally had the courage to make his move, he'd lost track of time. But bless his lucky stars, Vulcan found someone to be his reason for living, and Caza returned those feelings. Again he endures newfound determination, but this time his goal is to be at Caza's side. So he aims to truly overcome what phobias remain, to be able to speak publicly and to have everyone's eyes on him. To lead. To guide. Except for the rank he wanted, he felt complete knowing he had a mate, family, dear friends, and the title of father, for he adopted Fiver as his own. But things quickly went astray. It seemed like within the blink of an eye, Caza was expecting pups and a massive storm was forcing Intrepidus to move. They found decent shelter in a valley and the pups were born. But as time progressed, the new father of four felt in his heart he needed to provide for his family. So he left to hunt, only to come back to one of his greatest fears, the pack was gone.
Vulcan was lost for countless months, almost an entire year. But he fought against negative thoughts and the hopelessness he felt to continue on. And eventually that scent of his cousin, Steen, hit his nose and together they headed to the new camp. Vulcan and Caza were reunited. Things seemed like they'd get better... Until he got lost again. It seemed his sense of direction was going while he aged, he tells himself to never again hunt alone, and struggles to find home.
Which is where he is now. There was chaos within the pack that needed to be settled. There was a feeling of unease and tension for days after the fact. Some members left, there was a new face of Intrepidus, and Steen is gone. There was so much for Vulcan to take in and in all honesty it all nearly broke him... But there's still something feral and proud deep within the troubled male that will never allow him to quit. So here is Vulcan now, staying close to home, working from step one to again gain that confidence and trust with the newer members of the pack. He tries and at times fails to keep the past behind him. But for now, he'f truly focused on just being the best Vulcan he can be for Intrepidus, until he breathes his last.
☽His Appearance☾
Vulcan is finally leaving his prime, being eight years of age. He's massive, and bulky, ramming him head on is like going against a thick concrete wall. His body coloring is an exact replica of his father's being a fair crimson and having sandy highlights. The dominant Zarjero stripes demand total attention of his body. His mane is backwards and spiky, blonde the same shade of his shameful mother's, as well as his pendulum tip. His eyes are an icy zenith. ( Don't have the means to update his preset without making an entirely new one. So just imagine his coloring is slightly changing to show his age. )
Species: Canine
Stats: Full length, nearly full height and width. Muzzle, and cheeks a smudge beneath default. Now weight is a smudge above default.
Tail: Wolf Tail
Mane: Backward Mohawk and along his back
Ears: Pit bull Ears
Tufts: Elbow Rump
Eyes: Contracted Slit
Body/Head/Tail Markings: Maine Coon/Kai Ken 2/ American Weire hair { Wears a preset; tinyurl.com/Vuldin }
Equip: None
Items: None
Coloration~ { Prefer not to state }
Scars not seen on preset: A slight bulge on his right cheek and the left side of his throat, where Pest ( Parasite ) literally tore Vulcan's flesh and left it hanging. Very tip of his right ear is nicked as well. Yet another bite scar near his throat, courtesy of Rin. A slight patch of fur missing on his nape from the spar with Daren. Another patch of rough skin on his left cheek/high left throat area, small missing patch of fur on his left elbow, light scar on left hip courtesy of Gols in their last spar. His left ankle will have a small scissor-like scar from Elise biting it during their last spar.
☽Skills☾
Basic Skills~ ( I do not believe in 10/10, feels like God-mod to me. Nine is max, no room for improvement. )
Fighting:
--> Offensive:
--> To protect/defend: 9/10
Stealth:
Hunting:
Stamina: 9/10
Running: 8/10
Swimming: 0/10
Climbing: 2/10
( Mostly rocks and such )
Agility:
Hunting Skills~
Smaller Animals: [Hares/Rabbits/Mice/Etc.]
4/10
{ Appetite teasers, usually ignores these. }
Larger Animals: [Such as Buck/Deer]
8/10
!!! Medical:
☽Qualities☾
Leadership:
Wisdom:
Kindness: 10/10
Selfish: 0/10
Trusting:
Loyal: 10/10
Shyness: 10/10
Mercy: 10/10
Selfless: 10/10
☽Vulcan's corrupted mind☾
It's a battle to discover who he is all these years later and habits die hard.
Is no more! After waking up viciously for the /second/ time but this time setting his fangs on Vayal, Vulcan again faced a crucial battle. He lost initially because he punished himself for the act, however, his trusted and dear companion Niluva refused to let him shut down. She pulled him from that darkness that slowly ate away at him, and he was forced to deal with what happened and everything he felt instead of /run away/ from his problems mentally and lock himself away from everyone. He apologized, and feels closer to Vayal now than before their incident. Her acceptance of his mistake and her own apology for going ballistic at him helped him realize he truly was not at fault, that accidents are ok even for /him/, and no longer does that corrupt voice reign supreme over Vulcan.
...It took almost four and a half years of his life, but Vulcan is finally free.
☽The Building Blocks of Vulcan's Anxiety☾
// Nuisance //
.: Fear of Other Social Species :.
No change: Takloa hasn't been around much ( I miss ya, girl. ) so there really hasn't been much improvement here. This is also, believe it or not, still a fear he has not told anyone yet. So no one even knows to help him!
Source: Both for his back story and in actual rps, countless other groups of social animals have nearly ended his younger life.
Open to Help: Not exactly, no one knows IC he has this fear. If ever discovered, sure. However it's not as bad because only pack of wolves has interacted with us, and he handled it just fine. Also heed the warning in the risks.
Risks:
.: Fear of Bodies of Water :.
Scale of 1-10; 4
<< Improved +2 >>
No Change: Between never being truly forced/pushed to go too far in the water, saving a pup, and facing this with his son, his fear has been vanishing. But it's been winter and the water frozen, so this won't change until the ice melts. Heh.
Source: Usually punished by means of water; was nearly drowned on multiple occasions and only rescued because of his father.
Open to Help: Again, when someone is aware of this fear, yes. Just /please/ understand the risks with this one.
Risks:
// Moderate //
.: Fear of Loud Noises/Silence :.
Scale of 1-10; 2
<< Improved +2 >>
No change: Yet another fear no one knows of. He hasn't done much about this fear either, his focus has been elsewhere.
Source: It'd get oddly silent right before he was ambushed by cousins, and obviously it was painfully loud whenever he was attacked.
Open to Help: It just takes time to be honest. He's adjusting to the silence of night and learning that in silence he can better hear an approaching foe. The loud noise is the greater trigger currently. My goal is to have Vulcan join in a pack howl at least once before he kicks the bucket, but I want Vulcan /willing/ to howl and not ordered nor asked to.
Risks:
// Severe //
.: Fear of Progress :.
Scale of 1-10; 1
!!!!!!!! Improved +9 !!!!!!!!
Risks: I don't even want to think about his reaction if he finds he's not good enough. 
.: Fear of Being Weak :.
Scale of 1-10; 3
<< Improved +6 >>
Risks: Aaaaand again I don't want to think about what'd happen if this fear is never handled-
: Fear of Being In the Spotlight :.
Scale of 1-10; 4
<< Improved +6 >>
Explanation of Change: Now that he aspires to be Lord he understands he will be in the spotlight many many many many many times over. Soon he'll realize this fear will never go away and he'll work with how to deal with it. But for now he's willing to face this one head on and still hopes it can be defeated.
Source: He was ridiculed after every beating/near-death experience in his birth pack. His mind just associates all eyes on him as a foreshadowing of pain yet to come.
Open to Help: /No/. I appreciate everyone who will try but this is a fear Vulcan will /never/ overcome. However, it can become less severe over time. For example, when he first joined this was at a 10, but he's been in the spotlight before, and he has no new wounds to prove something bad happened. He can learn to trust the pack as a whole but the damage was done, at best he'll be a typical " I hate public speaking " type of guy but he'll be able to manage. Instead of shutting down and escaping into himself, he'll go through the process and handle social situations to the best of his ability. In other words, with enough patience, he would be eligible for a Lead class or leading a training session with only slight hindrance.
Risks:
.: Fear of Sleep :.
Scale of 1-10; !?
<< Currently Crippling Vulcan >>
Source: Sleeping left him vulnerable, rather he was in the den or a few months of age, sleeping meant he was attacked. And when he was old enough that most attacks on him stopped, the mental damage lingered, and he would relive memories with worse nightmares. This lead him to develop insomnia, he was scared to sleep and as is such his body fights it subconsciously, but this also means he usually only sleep by having his body collapse upon itself. Sleep paralysis lead him to be a lucid dreaming, so his subconscious corruption made the nightmares worse, anything to keep him from making progress and keeping him locked up inside himself.
Open to Help: Now he is. Caza recommended he think happy thoughts before going to sleep, and he will do his best to try. But now he knows his most trusted of friends can offer other ideas to help him overcome this. And he /wants/ as much help as he can get, he's done hurting members of this pack.
Risks:
// Bested Fears //
.: Fear of the Dark :.
☽ Vulcan As of May 25 ☾
( I seriously need to try harder to keep this up to date- )
☽Vulcan's Voice☾
(( Too lazy to update now. Will update next time. Promise. ))
Note: Throughout my school years too many people have argued heartlessly on rather or not all phobias can be cured, if they can't, if a person is weak for being incurable, blah blah blah... I do not wish to partake in the argument, but I do wish for Vulcan to overcome as many of his extreme fears as possible. As is such I will not call them by phobia name, instead I will call them all a fear and list by the severity of damage done to him by living with such fears. Regardless if listed as severe or a nuisance please understand these all cripple him the way phobias cripple everyday living.// Nuisance //
Scale of 1-10; 4
<< Improved +2 >>
<< Improved +2 >>
No change: Takloa hasn't been around much ( I miss ya, girl. ) so there really hasn't been much improvement here. This is also, believe it or not, still a fear he has not told anyone yet. So no one even knows to help him!
Source: Both for his back story and in actual rps, countless other groups of social animals have nearly ended his younger life.
Open to Help: Not exactly, no one knows IC he has this fear. If ever discovered, sure. However it's not as bad because only pack of wolves has interacted with us, and he handled it just fine. Also heed the warning in the risks.
Risks:
.: Fear of Bodies of Water :.
Scale of 1-10; 4
<< Improved +2 >>
No Change: Between never being truly forced/pushed to go too far in the water, saving a pup, and facing this with his son, his fear has been vanishing. But it's been winter and the water frozen, so this won't change until the ice melts. Heh.
Source: Usually punished by means of water; was nearly drowned on multiple occasions and only rescued because of his father.
Open to Help: Again, when someone is aware of this fear, yes. Just /please/ understand the risks with this one.
Risks:
// Moderate //
.: Fear of Loud Noises/Silence :.
Scale of 1-10; 2
<< Improved +2 >>
No change: Yet another fear no one knows of. He hasn't done much about this fear either, his focus has been elsewhere.
Source: It'd get oddly silent right before he was ambushed by cousins, and obviously it was painfully loud whenever he was attacked.
Open to Help: It just takes time to be honest. He's adjusting to the silence of night and learning that in silence he can better hear an approaching foe. The loud noise is the greater trigger currently. My goal is to have Vulcan join in a pack howl at least once before he kicks the bucket, but I want Vulcan /willing/ to howl and not ordered nor asked to.
Risks:
.: Fear of Being Abandoned :.
Scale of 1-10; 2
!!!!!!!! Improved +7 !!!!!!!!
Scale of 1-10; 2
!!!!!!!! Improved +7 !!!!!!!!
Explanation of Change: Well he's not afraid of being alone but he still struggles with accepting he won't be abandoned here. It remains in the same spot because a lot of his friends who took leave but said they'd always come back haven't for almost a year IC now. And if the friends he thought he could trust will be gone for so long, then anyone else can just leave too right? This is one fear he can't beat alone and won't change until some old faces are active again.
Source: Vulcan has abandonment issues which is one major blow to his trust issues. His birth pack abandoned him, and ever since then every pack I've gotten him into on Feral-Heart fell inactive and... Abandoned him. Both myself OOC and Vulcan still are unsure about this pack, but you've all already helped. This fear was at Severe and a 10 until I've been here for three weeks.
Open to Help: Mostly now only the old faces of Intrepidus can help him. Though any new friendship acquired will help as well.
Risks:
Source: Vulcan has abandonment issues which is one major blow to his trust issues. His birth pack abandoned him, and ever since then every pack I've gotten him into on Feral-Heart fell inactive and... Abandoned him. Both myself OOC and Vulcan still are unsure about this pack, but you've all already helped. This fear was at Severe and a 10 until I've been here for three weeks.
Open to Help: Mostly now only the old faces of Intrepidus can help him. Though any new friendship acquired will help as well.
Risks:
// Severe //
Scale of 1-10; 1
!!!!!!!! Improved +9 !!!!!!!!
Explanation of Change: He's come so far but I can't make this less of a fear; recent events have left this fear just as strong as it was my last update. Now that he and Caza are an item he wants to progress and grow to eventually being Lord. But what if he's not good enough? This fear alone is that thought process everyone goes through when in relationship, that it ultimately will fail no matter how hard you try. Vulcan's terrified that he won't be up to par and will lose Caza in the process, but he's willing to face this fear head on once and for all.
Source: Completely changed now. Stated above. ^
Open to Help: Caza plays a huge role in this fear true but anyone can help because there's so much to being a Lord that Vulcan needs help learning.
.: Fear of Being Weak :.
Scale of 1-10; 3
<< Improved +6 >>
Explanation of change: Another one that changed via becoming mates with Caza. He's very much aware that she will still struggle with her feelings toward love because so many of his fears took so much work to break them. He knows one day Darcus just left and eventually passed on, and he knows Caza carries that pain and worry still. It's not so much just being weak; he's scared of passing away as well because he knows Caza's happily ever after will die with him. Not to make him seem arrogant or prideful, he just understands if this love they share now will fail then Caza will give up on love for good. And he knows the panic she'll feel if he gets severely injured; the only times he shows how weak and hurt he is comes from dangerous wounds. He'll be drastically less reckless ( though I love that trait about him ) until he sees Caza gets over her fear.
Source: Again it's stated above hah. ^
Open to Help: This is a legit fear that coincides with his other half. I appreciate anyone who'd want to help but you sorta gotta let these two love birds figure this out.
: Fear of Being In the Spotlight :.
Scale of 1-10; 4
<< Improved +6 >>
Explanation of Change: Now that he aspires to be Lord he understands he will be in the spotlight many many many many many times over. Soon he'll realize this fear will never go away and he'll work with how to deal with it. But for now he's willing to face this one head on and still hopes it can be defeated.
Source: He was ridiculed after every beating/near-death experience in his birth pack. His mind just associates all eyes on him as a foreshadowing of pain yet to come.
Open to Help: /No/. I appreciate everyone who will try but this is a fear Vulcan will /never/ overcome. However, it can become less severe over time. For example, when he first joined this was at a 10, but he's been in the spotlight before, and he has no new wounds to prove something bad happened. He can learn to trust the pack as a whole but the damage was done, at best he'll be a typical " I hate public speaking " type of guy but he'll be able to manage. Instead of shutting down and escaping into himself, he'll go through the process and handle social situations to the best of his ability. In other words, with enough patience, he would be eligible for a Lead class or leading a training session with only slight hindrance.
Risks:
.: Fear of Sleep :.
Scale of 1-10; !?
<< Currently Crippling Vulcan >>
Explanation of change: Mates should sleep by one another but by no means does he feel ready to sleep next to Caza and have her safe... But he does remember she was able to snap him back to reality before, so he knows he should be able to sleep next to her. ( We haven't been able to rp this out so this will be updated accordingly after the rp sessions happens. )
Source: Sleeping left him vulnerable, rather he was in the den or a few months of age, sleeping meant he was attacked. And when he was old enough that most attacks on him stopped, the mental damage lingered, and he would relive memories with worse nightmares. This lead him to develop insomnia, he was scared to sleep and as is such his body fights it subconsciously, but this also means he usually only sleep by having his body collapse upon itself. Sleep paralysis lead him to be a lucid dreaming, so his subconscious corruption made the nightmares worse, anything to keep him from making progress and keeping him locked up inside himself.
Open to Help: Now he is. Caza recommended he think happy thoughts before going to sleep, and he will do his best to try. But now he knows his most trusted of friends can offer other ideas to help him overcome this. And he /wants/ as much help as he can get, he's done hurting members of this pack.
Risks:
// Bested Fears //
.: Fear of the Dark :.
Defeated in: The ~Sacred Hearts~ Pack
Summary: It's obvious why he'd fear the dark. Wolves tend to be daylight hunters by nature but being opportunistic, they can be active at night. Between ever-growing nightmares and attacking cousins as a pup, and the insomnia and fear of sleep as an adult, it's no wonder Vulcan had this nightmare. But in his last pack, being as he has severe insomnia, he was the only one able to stay awake for days on end. And at night he would be the only wolf awake and so the well-being of the pack rested on his unsure shoulders. /Yes/, it was difficult for him to remind himself over and over that only he stood between a ransacked pack or their well-being, but that came to be a thought of encouragement that his corrupt mind could not over come. He may still be /terrified/ to sleep or even rest for ten minutes but Vulcan can now go about /alone/ in the dark if need be.
.: Fear of Curiosity :.
.: Fear of Physical Contact :.Summary: It's obvious why he'd fear the dark. Wolves tend to be daylight hunters by nature but being opportunistic, they can be active at night. Between ever-growing nightmares and attacking cousins as a pup, and the insomnia and fear of sleep as an adult, it's no wonder Vulcan had this nightmare. But in his last pack, being as he has severe insomnia, he was the only one able to stay awake for days on end. And at night he would be the only wolf awake and so the well-being of the pack rested on his unsure shoulders. /Yes/, it was difficult for him to remind himself over and over that only he stood between a ransacked pack or their well-being, but that came to be a thought of encouragement that his corrupt mind could not over come. He may still be /terrified/ to sleep or even rest for ten minutes but Vulcan can now go about /alone/ in the dark if need be.
.: Fear of Curiosity :.
Defeated in: A pack name long forgotten.
Summary: This was more severe in his birth pack, curiosity lead him into trouble. It also was part of the reason some other social animals attacked him, he was curious to see their territory. He was on a walk with two pup-sitters and four pups when the youngsters showed him curiosity isn't always bad. They safely sniffed out rabbit dens, found insects under rocks, little things that fed their curiosity and never endangered them. Vulcan now has that healthy sense of being curious and also being cautious, thanks to them.
Summary: This was more severe in his birth pack, curiosity lead him into trouble. It also was part of the reason some other social animals attacked him, he was curious to see their territory. He was on a walk with two pup-sitters and four pups when the youngsters showed him curiosity isn't always bad. They safely sniffed out rabbit dens, found insects under rocks, little things that fed their curiosity and never endangered them. Vulcan now has that healthy sense of being curious and also being cautious, thanks to them.
Defeated in: His forever home; Pack of The Intrepidus.
Summary: Hng all the feels I get now that I can type this! It's finally gone! After so much patience, hard work, and determination, this is simply illogical to Vulcan now. What once would make him cringe away in terror and brace for a nasty thrashing is now the cause of his tail wagging or play, of bringing comfort to others or simply building crucial trust. A select few /greatly/ helped Vulcan in this battle but the pack as a whole truly should take responsibility. From friends bringing him to play and medics he did not yet trust tending to his wounds, Vulcan learned this pack is /nothing/ like his birth pack nor other packs that were not so kind toward him. He is comfortable in this pack, trusting that Caza only lets in the most trustworthy of canines, and that if any do attack, they have mental issues like Vulcan does, and so they should not be feared but helped. Never again will he fear being out numbered and viciously attacked by members of this pack. Heh, thank you guys.
Summary: Hng all the feels I get now that I can type this! It's finally gone! After so much patience, hard work, and determination, this is simply illogical to Vulcan now. What once would make him cringe away in terror and brace for a nasty thrashing is now the cause of his tail wagging or play, of bringing comfort to others or simply building crucial trust. A select few /greatly/ helped Vulcan in this battle but the pack as a whole truly should take responsibility. From friends bringing him to play and medics he did not yet trust tending to his wounds, Vulcan learned this pack is /nothing/ like his birth pack nor other packs that were not so kind toward him. He is comfortable in this pack, trusting that Caza only lets in the most trustworthy of canines, and that if any do attack, they have mental issues like Vulcan does, and so they should not be feared but helped. Never again will he fear being out numbered and viciously attacked by members of this pack. Heh, thank you guys.
.: Fear of Eye Contact :.
Defeated in: His forever home; Pack of The Intrepidus.
Summary: Granted Vulcan still won't make eye contact with those he does not trust nor feel close to, this is no longer such a hindering phobia! He now will avoid the contact out of respect toward others the way some are raised to. This is just yet another showing of how comfortable he is within this pack, and how much more he's blossoming.
Summary: Granted Vulcan still won't make eye contact with those he does not trust nor feel close to, this is no longer such a hindering phobia! He now will avoid the contact out of respect toward others the way some are raised to. This is just yet another showing of how comfortable he is within this pack, and how much more he's blossoming.
.: Fear of Speaking :.
Defeated in: His forever home; Pack of The Intrepidus.
Summary: Yet another showing of how much he's grown and blossomed within this pack! Of course he still prefers, due to being so shy, to not speak with others that he is yet to bond with, he no longer houses the fear of being punished for speaking out of turn. Nor does he fear speaking incorrectly and being ridiculed for it. The male who once went an entire year speaking maybe three words a week now has little issue speaking to strangers during a DT or a simple meet n' greet.
Defeated in: His forever home; Pack of The Intrepidus.
Summary: Yet another showing of how much he's grown and blossomed within this pack! Of course he still prefers, due to being so shy, to not speak with others that he is yet to bond with, he no longer houses the fear of being punished for speaking out of turn. Nor does he fear speaking incorrectly and being ridiculed for it. The male who once went an entire year speaking maybe three words a week now has little issue speaking to strangers during a DT or a simple meet n' greet.
.: Fear Of Leaving The Territory :.
Defeated in: His forever home; Pack of The Intrepidus.
Summary: It's like I said in my last update ( which was eons ago sorry- ) This fear would be dealt with shortly. He has that natural hesitance to leave the territory alone because wolves are social by nature, and hunts are much more successful when not hunting alone. But it's nothing compared to the crippling fear he'd feel when he used to leave the territory. Hah, look at my knuckle head finally getting his confidence up.
Summary: It's like I said in my last update ( which was eons ago sorry- ) This fear would be dealt with shortly. He has that natural hesitance to leave the territory alone because wolves are social by nature, and hunts are much more successful when not hunting alone. But it's nothing compared to the crippling fear he'd feel when he used to leave the territory. Hah, look at my knuckle head finally getting his confidence up.
.: Fear of Being Alone :.
Defeated in: His forever home; Pack of The Intrepidus.
Summary: Time for me to be corny and stuff hah. You hear it overplayed too much in anime, cartoon movies, or even just kid shows/movies. Even in Kingdom Hearts fvvoadnvorhfrg the fact that you're never truly alone. We all walk a path of life and when that path crosses someone else, even if they lead you separate ways, you never truly leave them. They're always with you in spirit, in your heart, in your memories. However you decide is truest, well Vulcan believes it too. So he's never truly alone, he has the love, strength, and support of Intrepidus no matter where he goes or if he's 'alone' at the turf.
Summary: Time for me to be corny and stuff hah. You hear it overplayed too much in anime, cartoon movies, or even just kid shows/movies. Even in Kingdom Hearts fvvoadnvorhfrg the fact that you're never truly alone. We all walk a path of life and when that path crosses someone else, even if they lead you separate ways, you never truly leave them. They're always with you in spirit, in your heart, in your memories. However you decide is truest, well Vulcan believes it too. So he's never truly alone, he has the love, strength, and support of Intrepidus no matter where he goes or if he's 'alone' at the turf.
☽ Vulcan As of May 25 ☾
( I seriously need to try harder to keep this up to date- )
Summary: The in-game bio character limit doesn't do enough justice. So I'll do another one here, give or take. Just gonna give this a run and see how it works.
Physical: Close to 80%. He didn't eat while depressed and lost quite a bit of weight. It's slowly returning. Also his ankle has finally healed but he'll still hobble to make sure no extra damage is done.
Mental: Exactly 50/50 good and bad. He has found a means to fight that darkness that clouded his entire being. He still misses Steen terribly and still finds it hard to leave his grave, but now Vulcan is ready to fight out of the depression and get on with his life, as his cousin would want. It just won't be an easy battle though.
Does he associate anyone? Yes.
What is association?
Old habits die hard. This saying alone perfectly embodies who Vulcan is to the core; his vicious, unjust upbringing has forever scarred him to his very soul and forever will certain things of life be delicate for him. Should anyone push him too far, concerning any past or current phobias, no matter how severe, he'll divert back to old ways concerning said individuals. New and old members alike will bear witness to a glimpse of the shattered soul that first joined Intrepidus before that loving, encouraging breath of life came and saved him from himself. Don't expect Vulcan to act like a living, equal individual concerning your character if he/she is now associated. Associated with what? With his past method of survival. It'll take quite a few rp sessions for him to get confident and comfortable around your character.
Overall Confidence:
9/10; Currently 6/10 unless around those he knows/trusts
He still sees the pack as 'The new face of Intrepidus' and is yet to make any true friends out of this new face. Caza, Fiver, and his pups will get the absolute best out of him. Other pups will get a glimpse of who Vulcan can be. Anyone else will be met with a solid wall of shy that won't let you in to reach Vulcan, or him out to explore. Patience is asked so Vulcan can find himself and try to rise in confidence once more.
Physical: Close to 80%. He didn't eat while depressed and lost quite a bit of weight. It's slowly returning. Also his ankle has finally healed but he'll still hobble to make sure no extra damage is done.
Mental: Exactly 50/50 good and bad. He has found a means to fight that darkness that clouded his entire being. He still misses Steen terribly and still finds it hard to leave his grave, but now Vulcan is ready to fight out of the depression and get on with his life, as his cousin would want. It just won't be an easy battle though.
Revamp to Shut Down
Does he associate anyone? Yes.
What is association?
Old habits die hard. This saying alone perfectly embodies who Vulcan is to the core; his vicious, unjust upbringing has forever scarred him to his very soul and forever will certain things of life be delicate for him. Should anyone push him too far, concerning any past or current phobias, no matter how severe, he'll divert back to old ways concerning said individuals. New and old members alike will bear witness to a glimpse of the shattered soul that first joined Intrepidus before that loving, encouraging breath of life came and saved him from himself. Don't expect Vulcan to act like a living, equal individual concerning your character if he/she is now associated. Associated with what? With his past method of survival. It'll take quite a few rp sessions for him to get confident and comfortable around your character.
He still sees the pack as 'The new face of Intrepidus' and is yet to make any true friends out of this new face. Caza, Fiver, and his pups will get the absolute best out of him. Other pups will get a glimpse of who Vulcan can be. Anyone else will be met with a solid wall of shy that won't let you in to reach Vulcan, or him out to explore. Patience is asked so Vulcan can find himself and try to rise in confidence once more.
☽Vulcan's Voice☾
I wanted to have some fun with this bio. Enjoy it, guys.
☽Vulcan's Theme Song☾
Well it took me months...
But here's Vulcan's now official theme song. Again, thank you so much everyone. { Currently thinking of a new theme gdi }☽ Vulcan's Walls ☾
Method of Madness: It needed another revamp, and I'm pretty sure I won't have to switch it up again. Basically I just switched up the 'fruits of your labor' section, being that Vulcan continued to grow since the last revamp, this needed a slight update. Heh.
☽ The Fifth Wall ☾
Anyone he is not yet close to, but has at least spoken to once, will paw at this wall for entry.
No new dwellers within this wall.
No one enjoys the fruit of their labors in this wall. But Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna , Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here. <3
☽ The Fourth Wall ☾
No one paws at this wall for entry
No new dwellers within this wall
No one enjoys the fruits of their labors in this wall But Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here. <3
The Fruit: Consider yourself nestled between being an acquaintance here and a friend. He's still painfully shy around your character and again, unless you're a Warrior rank rarely will he engage conversation with your character or seek them out. He once would watch these individuals of this wall to learn how to be something like them, but now he watches to ensure you won't hurt him. Not physically, he's still not scared of your character. But are they trustworthy? Do they have good qualities? Are they too serious for his liking or can he learn to loosen up from your character? He assesses them cautiously because after passing this wall, his trust opens up to them.
None paw at this wall for entry
No new dwellers within the boundary of this wall
No one enjoys the fruits of their labors within this wall. But Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here. <3
The Fruit: Consider yourself a friend now. No longer is he /painfully/ shy around your character, but understand Vulcan is a very shy soul. He has no issue approaching your character any longer, and should you be a Warrior, no longer will he approach 100% of the time due to DT's. His voice will be audible, and he'll seek to form and seal a bond with your character. Eye contact is still not possible but he relaxes and is more of himself around ya. Ever seen Vulcan goof off and play with someone else? You can expect play sessions now, once you enjoy your labors in this wall.
☽ Vulcan's Second Wall ☾
No one paws at this wall for entry
No new dwellers within this wall
No one enjoys the fruits of their labors in this wall But Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here. <3
The Fruit: Consider yourself nestled between being an acquaintance here and a friend. He's still painfully shy around your character and again, unless you're a Warrior rank rarely will he engage conversation with your character or seek them out. He once would watch these individuals of this wall to learn how to be something like them, but now he watches to ensure you won't hurt him. Not physically, he's still not scared of your character. But are they trustworthy? Do they have good qualities? Are they too serious for his liking or can he learn to loosen up from your character? He assesses them cautiously because after passing this wall, his trust opens up to them.
☽ Vulcan's Third Wall ☾
None paw at this wall for entry
No new dwellers within the boundary of this wall
No one enjoys the fruits of their labors within this wall. But Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here. <3
The Fruit: Consider yourself a friend now. No longer is he /painfully/ shy around your character, but understand Vulcan is a very shy soul. He has no issue approaching your character any longer, and should you be a Warrior, no longer will he approach 100% of the time due to DT's. His voice will be audible, and he'll seek to form and seal a bond with your character. Eye contact is still not possible but he relaxes and is more of himself around ya. Ever seen Vulcan goof off and play with someone else? You can expect play sessions now, once you enjoy your labors in this wall.
☽ Vulcan's Second Wall ☾
None paw at this wall for entry
No new dwellers within the boundary of this wall
No one enjoys the fruits of their labors within this wall. But Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here. <3
The Fruit: There is no questioning that Vulcan feels attached to your character. Trust has been formed and a bond created. He will speak openly and without worry with your character, eye contact will be the norm here. Females seeking to be something more with Vulcan; this is when he will question building feelings. Does he truly like your character or the thought of her? He'll need some time to figure it out for himself. Those of this wall will be gifted one final 'test' of trust, Vulcan will confide in you some of his phobias. He will also look to your character for help overcoming some. Those who enter this wall are rarely kicked out, even prolonged absence will not waver his attachment toward your character. But he only allows passage to the next wall to those he truly comes to trust, and that takes time.
☽ Vulcan's Final Wall ☾
None paw at this wall for entry
No new dwellers within the boundary of this wall
None enjoy the fruits of their labors here. Caza, Fiver, Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully here.<3
☽ Resting In Vulcan's Heart ☾
The area for his family; only adopted pups can claw their way to his heart. Anyone else tied to his family tree will inevitably end up here.
<3 The absolute love of his life and reason for living; Caza has become one with his soul. <3
Fiver has clawed his way and earned an eternal spot within Vulcan's heart. <3
Springsteen, Savanna, Corinth, Corinthia, Sarai, and Phoenix rest peacefully in Vulcan's heart.
The Fruit: Vulcan once lived on because he truly believed, with every fiber of his being, that he was of this world to suffer. He would take it willingly and suffer the consequences with no complaint, for he was making a difference one soul at a time. Why should others starve, for example, when his stomach could be left empty? Those thoughts linger in his actions-- but understand -you- have changed him. That's right, he now lives for you. Rather you be a pup he sired, a pup he adopted, his cherished soul mate, or blood kin. You alone ensure he will never again live to suffer in place of others. And he exudes that relief, wearing it for all to bear witness. He does not mean to treat you specially but you are one with his heart and his soul, you are precious to him beyond explanation and he will do anything for you. He will never act with others the way he acts with the ones of this wall. As stated before, all who come to rest here can be viewed as Vulcan's leg. He can go on with life having lost you, but he'd limp afterwards. And no matter how strong he may be in carrying on, none could deny the sheer loss of magnificence that was once him. Gifted to you is the unyielding love and loyalty of the Zarjero, in return he desires unconditional love and support. If mere nuzzles could cure all then you'd be immortal just after one day with this bizarre contradiction of a wolf. It is actually painful for him to be away from you, and never does he wish to be away from your side.
☽Vulcan's Feelings☾
Since he won't out and say it himself, look for clues in rp or just look here, written in a way so you see a glimpse into his mind;
Unsure ~ Love ~ Crush ( Questions it ) ~ Respect ~ Friend ~ Best Friend ~ Crush ( Romantic interest ) ~ Dislike ~ Hate ~ Loathe ~ Trust ~ Mourn ~ Distrust
Pack of The Intrepidus; 10x 10x 10x
I don't plan on updating this again. Just. To everyone, my second family, my home away from home. We've hit a few bumps in the road yet I have so fond memories I don't ever want to let go of. Doesn't matter what day I had at work I always look forward to logging in, I don't care who's online because I enjoy my time with all of you. From the bottom of my heart; Thank you.
Caza
( Always with these feelings )
Love ∞ Respect Best Friend Crush Trust
Love ∞ Respect Best Friend Crush Trust
<3 Song chosen because it's for them both; as if Caza sings it to Vulcan... Or he wrote the song for Caza. <3
I don't know where to begin; yet I'm so glad to know we will never end. I've always associated my journey of mental health with you; every calming breath full of your scent, every gentle nuzzle felt like your silky fur, my voice of reason and begs to fight on always heard in your caring tone. I've learned so much from you in particular, you're that light that never went out inside me, even when I'd try to burn it out you always gave it encouragement and reason to never give up. By no means do I mean to pass you off as perfect because nothing in this world can be, but understand your imperfections make me whole. I've had to pay for the tragedy Darcus instilled in you but in doing so I learned so much more about me and how to behave. For eight months even with the agony you felt toward Darcus you clawed your way into my soul. The first time I spoke comfortably, the first time I made eye contact, my first genuine friend, it was all you and it always had been you... You were even my first crush. And for over a year I had to bite my tongue and hold that at bay for your health, I got to feel how you felt toward me. I learned restraint and how to truly put someone first. I vow to continue to put you first and to respect and love you as you always deserve. I look forward to being at your side as Lord and relieving you of the stress of running a pack yourself. I haven't yet gotten the chance to say those three magical words to you because... Well I brought you to tears and couldn't exactly speak well after... But have no doubt that I love you until the end of time and it'd take an entire army to ever rip me from you. Thank you for this gift, I will continue to cherish it as I always cherish you. { Can't bring myself to delete this because my heart <3 }
Nilly
Love Trust x10 Best Friend x6 Respect x8 Crush ( Slowly fading ) Mourn x2
Love Trust x10 Best Friend x6 Respect x8 Crush ( Slowly fading ) Mourn x2
Part of me worries... Where have you gone? You've been granted the title of Chief and then I see you less and less... I do worry. I try not to but I can't help how my heart aches thinking you're... You know... With Lydia. I miss you terribly. Please, come around soon, I've some news I'd love to share with you and we're long overdue a play session. I hope all is well with you my dear Nilly. I hope for your safe return every day.
Lydia
Love Crush Friend x4 Mourn (( Always ))
Love Crush Friend x4 Mourn (( Always ))
I don't know what happened. I had so many questions for you, so many plans for us to get closer. I sat by silently and watched another male become the center of your universe, watched him leave you, and that was it. We got to play /one time/ and the next thing I know-- You're /gone/. What little comfort I have is knowing some members of Intrepidus gave the one who took you from us the same fate, that he got what he deserved. But that's not comfort at all. How will I ever smell you again? Hear your specific foot falls? Who will laugh like you, or hunt with me like you did, who will teach me to hunt without realizing? Who can I look up to like I did for you? Lydia-- ...Lydia it hurts so very bad. I miss you more than words can ever describe. We had so much promise and it's just gone- Just like you- And I hate that. What was that thing around your neck, what were the scars? Why had you been so quiet and sad before I got you to play with me? ... ... ...Lydia I miss you. So so so so so much. I truly hope one day I can see you again.
Miss Va
Love x4 Best Friend x6 Crush Trust x8 Respect x7
Love x4 Best Friend x6 Crush Trust x8 Respect x7
You have me worried even more so than Nilly. It's been painfully long since the last time I've seen you, are you alright? Do you plan on coming home? Will I ever see you again? I can't take much more worry please just get home soon...
Nakita
Friend x5
Friend x5
You're just as bad as Nilly and Miss Va. Granted we may never have gotten close I still consider you a friend and a reason to worry. You're so young and already without the safety of the pack, I can't help but wonder why? Did we do something wrong? Please just get home safely. I know Fiver misses you as well and I'd love the three of us to have a play session. I've tried to teach him how but you have this gift with him, he seems to learn a lot better from you. I'd still like to lean about that tug game myself.
Steen
( Always for these feelings ) Love Best Friend Trust Respect
( Always for these feelings ) Love Best Friend Trust Respect
Now that you're home I feel my life is complete. I have someone to cherish and devote my soul to, I have a son, and you complete the circle. As the first blood to ever treat me as loved ones should I associate how to love and to express it with memories of you; I feel I can only truly be myself when you're around. Perhaps I didn't learn so well from you after all, or you're a lousy teacher. Haha, I can breathe so much easier knowing you're safely at home. I have high hopes for you Steen, Intrpidus became my refuge and home, it grants me everything and anything I could ever want or need. Just stick around, I know your happily ever after is right around the corner... I still think your happily ever after will come limpin' right up to ya. Just be patient.
Fibbs
Trust x5 Respect x4 Best Friend x4 Love x4
Trust x5 Respect x4 Best Friend x4 Love x4
Few individuals can bless me the way you have in Intrepidus. You've made me a father and that's all I've ever wanted. I will admit I'm still quite scared to let you down or to fail you somehow but. I'm truly happy where I am now, where we are now, how far we've come. I want only the best for you and I promise when the ice melts we'll kick that fear of water. You've put your faith and trust in me and I will not let you down. You'll reach newer heights of greatness than I ever will, and I'm very excited for you. I love you, my son, keep up the fantastic work.
Agana
Respect x5 Trust x2
Respect x5 Trust x2
...Are you ever coming home?
Savanna
Love Trust
Love Trust
We didn't really get to bond yet. But you've already set the foundation for us to be just as close as I am with Steen. I had been triggered and I was about to crumble but you were there. My rock to keep me steady, someone to lean on, someone I can rely on. I hate that you've been gone since then but I will always cherish what you did for me. I'll have you know that because of your help I wasn't triggered! I actually got through it ok, I just had to catch my breath and relax like you suggested. Because of that I know I can trust you the way I trust Steen. I deeply want to be closer with you, and I worry because you haven't been home. Please get home soon... I need to know you're ok, and we need a play session!
Lil Derp
Respect x4 Friend x2 Trust x2 Mourn x4
Respect x4 Friend x2 Trust x2 Mourn x4
I haven't seen you around much either. Where has everyone gone...? I miss you Lil Derp I truly hope you're alright. Please get home safely...
Vera
Friend x4 Trust x3 Respect x2
Friend x4 Trust x3 Respect x2
I feel like we're truly friends again. That incident between us has dissolved and I just. I enjoy being around you. I really do! Your sass just makes me feel all weird inside but in a good way and it makes you all the more enjoyable. You're starting to vanish like everyone else though, I'd hate to lose you. Please, won't you stick around a little more? The one time I don't have any wounds and we could play together, and you're not around. That's just our luck isn't it?
Six
Mourn x5 Friend x2 Respect
Mourn x5 Friend x2 Respect
You've grown quite a lot, Six. I'm so proud of you, you inspire me to keep up my own internal battles no matter how pointless they may seem. It's amazing to watch you make friends and speak to others without my being there, it makes me worry a lot less for you. You're doing fantastic here and I hope you continue to blossom. Next on my list, though, we gotta teach you that it's ok to be touched. It wasn't an easy lesson for me either, but I think that'll make it easier for me to teach ya. Hang in there, Six. Greatness is still in your future, I just know it. ( I didn't want to erase this hah- needs an update. )
Gol
Unsure Respect
Unsure Respect
I know I like quite a few things about you. You were patient enough with me and my dislike of speaking toward others. You're a quick learner, too, sort of like I am! But best of all you have a love for sparring that I mirror. You keep me at the top of my game and I know I've taught you some new tricks; I feel great knowing one day you could save your life with something I showed you! We may not be that close but I'd be at a loss if you passed away so young. Anyway, I finally feel comfortable enough to try and be friends now, not just sparring buddies. I look forward to the next time I see you around, maybe I can learn something else about you?
Nyx
Distrust x4 Unsure
I haven't seen you around since... Well, a few things transpired between us. I am ready to forgive you and try to figure you out so we can accomplish friendship. But I have a feeling I just won't see you again, will I? I feel so guilty, I truly do not see where I was wrong and now I'll be left with this void, knowing I did something wrong, knowing I need to make up for it, but knowing I will never get that chance. For what it's worth... I truly am sorry, I'm sure I made you see Intrepidus in a bad light. I hope wherever you are, you're happy, healthy, and being true to who you are. I'm so very sorry we didn't have what you were looking for.
Derek
Unsure Respect
Unsure Respect
You've come and gone from Intrepidus a few times. It's great to finally know your name. I've seen some progress within you but that is not just where my respect comes from. You're larger than I am and so are more so flawed by your mass than I am. Yet we face the same struggles and instead of giving up you chose to pursue a fighting rank to overcome those flaws. I've met many wolves who were my size or bigger and most of them did not want to face their flaws. They were slow and moved oddly, often times losing in fights because of it. But like me, you said 'Try me' to our hindrances and I can see the improvement. We may never truly be fast like our smaller members of Intrepidus but we're fast in our own right, and strong to boot. I have much more to teach you if you only continue to aspire to learn. I feel I can relate to you the way I can't relate to anyone else in this pack, I cherish no longer feeling like such an oddity, though I may never tell you this myself. Thank you, Derek. I look forward to many more DT's with you, even if you come to be Chief, we both understand there is always so much more to learn.
Loners
Rin;
Mourn
... ... ...Did you truly have to leave? ...Rin I miss you. I hope you've found what you were looking for.
